#181

 

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In the courtyard, Shinra Minato, the only link to our connection, left.
There were no words, and we looked at each other.

That girl’s eyes were asking, “Why?”

However, I did not have any words to answer that properly.

 

No, I sensed that the words I had prepared would not satisfy her.
The words that said that I did not need a friend brought a dull ache to the chest of the person saying them at the simultaneously.

People around would think, “What are you even talking about?”
However, for the first time, the act of explicitly pushing a friend away brings a bitter feeling that I honestly never want to experience again.

 

But, now I have no choice but to put aside those feelings.
Subconsciously, I was reminded during a recent class discussion that our group was just because of one person.

At the same time, I have come to understand that if I lose him, even my own mind won’t treat me as it used to.
What an immature person I am, even though he has clearly rejected me once.

It was proof that I had been so proud of being the prince of the school that I had gotten carried away.

 

 

I never asked them to call me that.
I really wanted to spend time with my friends, go to the arcade after school, or just invite them over to my house and spend the night talking about nothing.

I could have done it, but I didn’t. …This is my excuse for not rejecting the excess expectations of the people around me.

 

I could have done it.

If only we had truly been together.
I would have been aware of my influence on those around me and not made him feel regretful.

 

Moreover, he, too, had unconsciously kept his distance from me so as not to bother me by spending much time alone.

Yesterday’s words made us both aware of this.
Those words expressed the true feelings that was held in for several years.

Then, what should I do?

I thought about it, and then I thought I had found a glimmer of hope.

It was simple.

We were both relying on each other and trying to compensate it with fancy words, not bothering each other. But we had chosen the path that was easy for us.

Never getting too close, and never letting ourselves go too far away either.

 

He would have laughed at me if I told him this, but all I wanted was a best friend.
An individual with whom I could talk to frankly, sometimes fight but still understand each other without any reservations.

The relationship between Ogiwara Yuuto and Shinra Minato today is by no means like that.

At the very least, the image of a best friend that I wanted was a relationship where he could be more open, unreserved, and relaxed.

 

 

So, let’s let him go.

Let’s reset our relationship, dissolve all our remaining feelings for each other, and face each other once again.

Even if I told the girl in front of me that I wanted such a development. I don’t think she would be convinced since it was just like a child’s wish or a story in a manga.

In her eyes, it was just him.

She admired him, he was her best neighbor, they understood each other, and she was madly in love with him.
I knew the first time we talked, that there was no room for me from the way she looked at me and at him.

 

But even so, I couldn’t help but think about her.
Even now, I had no words to say to the girl who was looking at me with sad eyes because I had shunned Minato in front of her.

 

It is a naive hope to think that she would understand me someday, although it won’t happen unless I put it into words.
Also, since I could not say anything in such a situation, her eyes were not on me.

 

I saw the back of the girl who got up and started running after the back of the boy who had left, and a sigh escaped from my mouth.

 

“Haa… Wouldn’t it have been easier if the two had at least said a bad thing about me?”

 

Those words that vanished in the surroundings never reached the two.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Minato-kun!”

Shizuku, who had left the courtyard and chased after me before I left the school grounds, grabbed my arm.

Her expression showed impatience and anxiety.

She seemed to be unsure of the situation and what to say.
So I spoke to her first.

 

“What are you going to do about Yuuto’s offer?”

 

If she is not willing to do so, the conversation will come to an end.
However, if she is willing to do it, even a bit, then the conditions are not bad for both the school and for her.

Well, the conditions I am talking about are about the future, are in regards to internal exams, career paths, and other such things.

But, if she could join the student council as Yuuto had suggested, she could avoid any troublesome discussions.

 

Shizuku showed a moment of hesitation at my question, but the moment our gazes next met, she showed eyes that she had made up her mind.

 

“If Minato-kun is joining the student council, then I will also join. If not, then there is no reason for me to join the student council.”

 

“…You’re a difficult person.”

 

It shouldn’t be a bad thing by any means.
But, the reason my resolve hasn’t wavered is probably because there is something stronger than Yuuto’s refusal to talk to me.

Moreover, she said it out loud.
If I’m not here, there’s no reason for you to join the student council.

I wonder why she adores me so much, even though I am not living up to her expectations.
There must be a reason that only she knows.

 

I thought that I was good at self-analysis but I don’t know what was attractive about a person like me who had no particular traits. It seems that I need to change my perception.

After watching the figures campaigning at a distance, I went outside the school and walked along the road.

Somewhere in my mind, I recalled Yuuto’s words, and the thoughts went through.

 

It was the first time Yuuto had spoken to me with a cold gaze and tone.
I’ve been experiencing a lot of things for the first time in the past few months.

 

I feel like I understand things but I don’t really know anything.
I’m talking like I’m enlightened based on only the information that’s on the surface.

What a dumb person I am.

I wondered how I should talk to my childhood friend who is making a difficult expression next to me.
After much deliberation, I decided to go with the usual words.

“I’m sure it’s obvious that you don’t need me for the next student council.”

 

“I don’t think so, though!”

 

A denial with a hint of anger.
It seemed louder than the sound of cars passing by, but whatever.

As we passed the intersection and entered the residential area, Shizuku stood blocking the way.

Behind her was a Y-junction.

 

Here, Yuuto would split off to the right and we to the left, and proceed onward toward our house.

 

“Listen, if Minato goes right, I will go right as well. If you go left, I go left.”

 

“My house is on the left, though.”

 

“It’s a figure of speech!”

 

Thank you for your appropriate retort.
I apologized to Shizuku, who got angry and tapped her on her shoulder, and urged her to continue.

 

“Now Ogiwara-kun is going right, what about you, Minato?”

 

“I’m going left.

 

“That’s right!”

 

…I see.
No, I thought the trend was to go to the right, but it seems that I somehow got her question correct.

“I’m not standing by Minato-kun because he’s right, or because he’s righteous. I’m doing this because I believe in Minato-kun and I will stand next to you since you are Minato-kun. …So, even if what Ogiwara-kun says is right, if Minato-kun is not there, I won’t go along.”

 

“You’re very assertive today.”

 

“I’ll say it now! I am not going to follow him just because you are Ogiwara-kun, nor am I going to run for the elections just because the whole school wants me to do so.”

 

If she could have said that in front of the students, she wouldn’t have any trouble.

However, she can’t do anything if she declares it like this.

I couldn’t stay silent.
After all, Shinra Minato, whom she believes in, would not be a person who would stay dumb in this situation.

 

“I disliked Yuuto somewhere in my heart, and I hated myself for harboring such feelings of envy towards that guy who had everything near him while I had nothing.

“…”

 

Shizuku listened quietly to my words as I began to speak.
Until the end, her posture indicated that she wouldn’t say a word.

 

“I think I have similar feelings toward Shizuku as I have toward Kirasaka and the president. But I had a stronger awareness of Yuuto than that. …So I opposed him and there were times when I acted in a way that was not what he wanted.”

 

I’m a petty person.
I talked to the girl this way about my inferiority complex and the negative feelings I harbored towards him.

 

However, there is no choice but to speak my true feelings…
It may sound like flattery, but it is at least a courtesy.

“I’ve never been told so clearly by everyone, so I’ve always made the excuse that you guys are just too talented, but it’s refreshing to be told so clearly that I simply don’t have any talent.”

 

When you show it to me so clearly, there is no excuse, no way to cover it up.
They don’t need my abilities, that’s what he told me.

 

I went up to a vending machine that I saw out in a corner, bought two bottles of tea and offered one to Shizuku.
She accepted it and took a sip.

 

“Your childhood friend is that kind of person.”

 

I said, turning my gaze towards Shizuku, who was looking at me.
There I saw Shizuku with the same expression on her face.

 

“It’s natural for people to feel inferior to others, because they can never be the same person. I’m not comfortable admitting it, …but I’ve felt inferior to Kirasaka-san at times.”

 

I guess she really doesn’t like her.
Shizuku said reluctantly, with a dead look in her eyes that she would never normally show.

The voice and expression, unimaginable from Shizuku, with her black hair fluttering and her beautiful appearance, made me giggle in disbelief.

 

“I’ll be honest, the Minato-kun of before is more attractive to me than the Minato-kun  of today.”

 

“I feel like my growth has been denied…”

 

“If that’s the case, then it must have been unnecessary.”

 

What a selfish argument.
When you say it so confidently, it makes me think if I am wrong.

In fact, I might be wrong about the change…
But, I’m not the one to be silent here.

 

“I have a feeling it was me who was growing up in the wrong direction for all those years…”

 

“Well, that’s a complete turnaround.”

 

The end of her word gradually became quieter and quieter though she spoke up first.

My mouth gave a wry smile at the sight of that shrinking figure, having been hit in a sore spot.

She stretches out her shrunken posture and resumes talking facing me.

“If I can face my classmates head on, will Minato-kun be able to get along with his friends?”

 

Shizuku asked me with eyes more serious than ever, and I thought back for a moment.
I know that the friend she emphasized is Yuuto.

Shizuku might want to say whether it was possible to fill the distance that has been vacant since the amusement parks more than ever, instead of getting into an argument and breaking apart.

It is possible that we might quarrel or at worst sever ties, but it’s difficult for us to understand each other without exchanging any words.

 

After all, Minato-kun is a negative thinker who always thinks about the meaning behind words.

It is impossible to convince him or have him convinced with a simple exchange of words.

 

“…I don’t even know if we’re in an argument.”

 

“Leave it to me, I promise you the right support!”

 

…She said it with an expression who’d completely cover for you.
This is the one, it was one of Shizuku’s many forms.

Let’s ask …Kirasaka if he has something toxic to say that would be effective against this.

I mean, what is this girl even doing?

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