#276

When reflecting on my life up to this point, I realized that Santa Claus has always been a rather unpredictable presence. I’ve made various requests to Santa, and the things I’ve left out for him have ranged from the latest novels I’ve been wanting to read to the memory foam pillow I still use.

One particularly memorable instance is from when I was in elementary school. I suddenly wanted a new gaming console, and what I found waiting for me by the Christmas tree was a DVD player in our living room.

If there’s something I still enjoy to this day, it would probably be reading. Even so, I haven’t been dedicating much time to it lately. I’m not sure if it’s just because I haven’t found a book I’m particularly interested in, or if my enthusiasm for reading has waned.

On a positive note, I’ve reduced the amount of time I spend alone and bored. I’d like to believe that I’m just too busy enjoying life to have time for hobbies.

I wish it were like that…

But if I were to lose my hobbies, I might start finding life boring in the future.

Today, on the night of December 24th, Santa Clauses in various households are leaving presents and sweet letters for children by their bedsides. Of course, there is no actual Santa Claus; it’s the parents. It’s easy to say that out loud, but it’s important to respect the innocent dreams of children.

No one on the streets or on television is tearing apart the truth behind Santa Claus’s identity.

If you’re looking for such explanations, you’d probably have to check social media and forums online.

Santa Claus doesn’t visit our house anymore because, apparently, there’s an age limit. Both Kaede and I have grown closer to adulthood, so we’ve prepared our luggage and clothes on the table to get an early night’s sleep in preparation for tomorrow.

…I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed that we didn’t prepare a pair of red socks like children do.

And so, on Christmas Day.

In the midst of children from my hometown, who are likely to be shouting with joy, I woke up.

In the world, there would be numerous boys and girls running down the hallway to report to their parents that Santa had come. Some might be disappointed because they received something different from what they’d wished for.

Yeah, that’s true. In fact, you could even hear the loud cries of a child in the neighbourhood, echoing from when I opened the window.

Waking up with the first sound being crying felt ominous, but I shook off the chill of the cold floor, got up, and made my way to the living room.

It appeared that my mother and Kaede were already awake. I was welcomed by a warm atmosphere beyond the open door.

“Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas, Nii-san!”

Today too, they seemed to be in high spirits. When my mother and Kaede noticed me, they smiled and greeted me.

Frankly, I thought it was a half-hearted greeting, but they didn’t seem to mind.

“Merry Christmas Merry Christmas…”

I couldn’t help but feel that it was a casual greeting, but my mother and Kaede continued preparing breakfast together without a care.

Kaede brewed a fresh cup of coffee in the kitchen, brought it over, and set it on the table.

My mother made a gesture for me to sit down. When my mother saw Kaede’s gesture, she smiled, passed by behind me, and moved to the seat next to Kaede.

My mother retrieved a pale blue paper bag from under the table, and Kaede pulled out a red paper bag that had been hidden there.

“Here, your Christmas present.”

“I got one too.”

I take back what I said earlier; it seems I haven’t crossed the age limit just yet. Indeed, the Mira family is lenient with children!

Or rather, it’s my mother who’s lenient. My father would never prepare a present for me, for sure.

“…Thank you.”

Taking the paper bag handed to me, I tried to guess the contents based on how it felt. It was soft, so it was probably some kind of clothing.

When I raised my gaze from the bag, I saw my mother looking more fidgety than me. Her behaviour was shouting, ‘Open it quickly and show me your reaction!’

I carefully opened the paper bag, revealing a navy blue scarf inside. It had a nice texture, and the fabric looked warm. It was just what I needed because the cold wind was seeping in through my neck.

“…Thank you. I’ll definitely use this.”

“I had wanted to knit one for you, but I ran out of time. I’m sorry.”

She gives me a present, and she’s apologizing. I sincerely thanked her, and my mother returned to the kitchen, looking pleased.

Kaede, who was sitting across from me, had also received a scarf in a different colour. She seemed delighted, immediately wrapping it around her neck. It was a moment to be cherished, smiling as I sipped my awakening cup of coffee.

Time passed, and around noon, I had finished my preparations for departure. I sat by the front door adjusting the laces on my sneakers. From behind, my mother and Kaede came to see me off.

“I’m sorry we had made plans to have dinner together.”

“We can’t do anything if Nii-san already has plans. We can do it next year.”

When I turned around to and told Kaede and mom, she shook her head and told not to worry. I thought maybe, after today goes well, I should do something nice for my family. With my bag in hand, I opened the front door.

“I’m heading out.”

“Take care, Minato. Have a great time!”

They waved and watched me smilingly until I quietly closed the door.

Beneath the cold sky, the scarf my mother gave me came in handy as I walked alone. It kept my neck warm, preventing the cold air from creeping in.

The way to Miyashita’s home was unexpectedly not too far from my place or Shizuku’s, so we had all agreed to meet at the Miyashita’s.

However, the girls were busy with meal preparations, and Yuuto had received a message saying that the items he had ordered would be delivered this morning. So, we ended up heading to Miyashita’s house separately.

Despite having the same destination, we were to arrive independently. It was an unusual moment of solitude, allowing me to calmly reflect on my surroundings.

As expected, there weren’t many people walking alone. Most were in groups, with different relationships – friends, family, partners, each one unique.

But the smile I wore were genuine.

At this moment, I realized that, unrelated to me enjoying this Christmas day, my smile was true.

Were there times when I had genuine, unclouded smiles in photos taken as keepsakes?

In the past, even when there were similar gatherings, I was aware that I was being used as an excuse to invite Yuuto and Shizuku. I was invited almost as an afterthought.

No matter what, it was clear that I was just a pretext for those around me to invite him or her. I couldn’t connect with others, and I never felt any enjoyment in such situations.

How could a person who had spent his life thinking about how to pass the time during boring moments genuinely enjoy himself in a group photo? I used to ask myself.

However, this time was different. I was not just an excuse, and I was genuinely wanted there.

Time spent with people with no ulterior motives was different from before.

So, is it possible for me to spend time enjoying myself without second-guessing the words I’m aware of?

I pondered this while glancing at the groups of young people passing on the sidewalk.

And I realized I was being foolish for worrying about what I might look like, and my body temperature started rising.

Wow, it’s hot, isn’t it? That’s the magic of the scarf bestowed upon me by mom.

It’s wonderfully warm, and it’s heating me up to the point where it’s like a sauna under my clothes.

I fanned my clothes to let the trapped heat escape and then looked at the route displayed on my smartphone, slowly making my way forward.Top of Form

However, after a few steps, I turned around.

I gazed at the backs of the boys and girls I had just passed.

Could I have enjoyed the typical high school life that people talk about if I had learned to suppress my emotions a bit more and conform to the people around me?

No, that’s not it. Even thinking about it is futile. I’m more aware than anyone that Shinra Minato is not good at such smooth social interaction.

I can’t accept it. I can’t understand it. I can’t allow myself to use words or attitudes that are fake. I have a difficult, awkward, and utterly troublesome personality.

So, after reflecting and questioning myself, I resolved my doubts and turned back to continue my progress towards my destination.