#308

I cannot escape from the gaze directed at me by Shizuku. She, who sat down next to me, asked me.

“Could you talk to me about what’s bothering you, Minato-kun?”

Her voice and expression, full of affection, lightly eased the lingering anxiety in my heart.

Even though I had once made up my mind, I couldn’t help but feel it wavering. I was reached out to by Kirasaka, worried about by Yuuto, and now questioned by Shizuku.

It felt like I was being confronted with the fact that it’s difficult to handle everything on my own.

Perhaps it would be better to just talk now and seek cooperation. That might lead to the best outcome. I fully understood that the current situation was merely self-satisfaction.

I didn’t want to turn my tribute to the student council president into an unpleasant memory just for my own satisfaction.

I had shown a different direction from others.

After today’s discussion, Shiraishi would take action, and Hino-kun and Koizumi would explore methods within their own circles and skills.

Even if I stubbornly refused to cooperate, the program would proceed as planned, and if an editor was found, I would have no place.

That’s enough. If I’m going to take the lead and act, it’s now. Even if it’s a small result, I should be able to get a solid evaluation.

There’s no way I can monopolize all the achievements by being greedy.

Even if I leave behind just one achievement, it’s impossible to completely overwrite the impressions I’ve built up from students so far.

In reality, it may be that students only expect the annual event to end without any issues. Perhaps it’s only the sight of students without talent struggling further than that.

… Is that really the case? Do students really have such a broad perspective that they would be evaluated only on their planning and management skills?

Only the visible actions of those who made the videos and gathered the material would be focused on.

Only a limited number of people would really appreciate the person who created the outline of the plan or showed interest in this management or planning.

I had a faint suspicion all along. In this activity, I couldn’t actually overwrite the impressions I had built up until now.

It was just a coincidence that I met Shizuku first, became close to Ogiwara Yuuto, and showed the kind of interaction Kirasaka Rei preferred, and had the qualities and character that Hiiragi Akane sought.

I didn’t put in any effort, nor was I particularly outstanding compared to others. It was just that I spent more time together than others did.

The time we met, the time we interacted.

It might vary from person to person, but even so, I monopolized the time of those students whom many others sought to spend time with.

I don’t feel remorse for my actions, nor do I believe I’ve made any wrong moves. It’s just that others find them unpleasant.

Everyone holds the common perception that you’re not suitable to stand beside them.

A group is a kind of living entity. Something that was only mildly annoying at first gradually grows larger and leads to overall discomfort.

What didn’t bother you yesterday may become unpleasant tomorrow. If someone expresses dislike for something, it morphs into a shared dislike, it’s transmuted.

So, how can I mitigate the malice and aversion directed at me by those around me?

I thought about it, and the answer I came up with was to overwrite their evaluations. Even if I’m told I’m unsuitable, even if I’m ridiculed as inadequate.

So… I know it’s nothing more than an excuse.

The fact remains that I rejected the hand Kirasaka offered and the heart Yuuto reached out to.

Relying on them, the overwrite I desire won’t work as intended.

Shizuku, Kirasaka, and the others were always around me. As if it were natural, they lent me their hands, and the students directed their gazes toward them.

Until now, that seemed normal, and I even found it reassuring.

But when I actually wanted to attract the attention of other students, I realized there was no more troublesome presence than them.

…What would Shizuku think if she heard this?

What would Kirasaka answer if she heard this?

It would be sighs and words of disappointment. It’s definitely not the answer or action that’s being sought. That’s why, even now, I continue to struggle with what to say to Shizuku.

“No, if Minato-kun really can’t say it, I won’t force you… but if I may be so selfish, I would like you to consult with me…”

With a shy demeanour, Shizuku bowed her head and clasped her fingers together, peeking up at me from under her lashes as if she were trying to gauge my reaction.

Our gazes crossed, and we paused, staring at each other.

While the sound of the river flowing and the wind rustling the leaves reached our ears, it felt like only the two of us existed in the moment of stillness, as if, if we were a couple, I would embrace her shoulders and talk about the future.

Suddenly embarrassed, Shizuku blushed even more, and her words, spoken with increasing shyness, became smaller and smaller, almost drowned out by the sound of the wind.

Watching her like that, I start to dislike myself.

Petty and unchanged from the past.

“I… want to make a farewell video for the third-year students, so I’ve been looking for someone to edit it and someone who can gather footage from current students. Finding the latter seems feasible, but…”

“Is that so…! Then, I’d like to help too.”

“No, you can’t.”

Finally uttering the words, Shizuku breathed a sigh of relief, then immediately followed with the word ‘help’.

But soon after, I shook my head sideways, refusing.

Again, if Shizuku and the others were to get involved, succeed is a given.

Again, they would be questioned as to why they associate with such an utterly ordinary guy.

…Again, it would lower their evaluation.

This time, I would become unforgivable. Even if I were to retort now, it would be counterproductive. I can’t forgive myself for being so helpless.

There’s no need to consider why the students speak ill of them. It’s simple dissatisfaction, jealousy.

Why do they bother with such a ordinary guy when they could spend time with them and have more fun and meaningful interactions?

And above all, this ordinary man takes it for granted that he is spending his time with them that everyone admires, and he even seems to be bothered.

Because of their affection, even if it’s contradictory, their words and actions will eventually hurt everyone.

Because they’re important, and because I have no other connections besides them, I don’t want to lose them.

Being alone and being lonely are different.

Although similar, they are entirely different things.

“Why not? I think I can be of great help too! I can talk to the current students, and if you give me a few days, I can learn how to edit.”

“…Then, nothing will change from before.”

Leaning forward, Shizuku placed her hand on her chest and declared. There was a hint of frustration in her voice. Did she perceive that her abilities weren’t being trusted?

If so, then I must correct that.

“I know that I can rely on you, Shizuku… But this time, it won’t mean anything if I don’t show the students that I’m not relying on you guys.”

As I said that, Shizuku returned to her original position, her eager posture replaced by a slight anger and a chilly, piercing gaze and expression.

“Is it because we’re being talked about behind our backs?”

“…”

The gaze directed at me was intense, something unimaginable from the usual Shizuku.

I should have blocked her ears when the two girls were talking on the rooftop the other day.

…Did she overhear similar words elsewhere? No, she must have heard them countless times before. I just hadn’t paid attention to it.

“It’s the result of my own actions if I’m unpopular; it’s not a reason for you guys to be talked about.”

“That’s not true! Minato has always been the one to say the things we couldn’t say… even during the school trip, if we had been able to express our feelings clearly, Minato wouldn’t have been left with a bad impression.”

Shizuku stood up instinctively, her voice rising in agitation.

…It must be about what happened on the second day of the school trip. She’s still bothered by it.

“Minato-kun, please continue as you have before… that’s what we want from you.”

Her pleading gaze and earnest voice pierced deep into my chest, causing a dull ache. What I’m trying to do isn’t what they want, and what I want isn’t what they wish for.

Nevertheless, this seems to be the only way to steer them back to the path they should be on.

As I maintained my silence in response to Shizuku’s words, she looked at me with sadness. She likely interpreted my silence as a rejection of her wishes.

But Shizuku should understand to some extent. She knows that I can’t just abandon what I’ve started midway, and I can’t easily switch back to leaving everything to Koizumi, Hino-kun, and Shiraishi.

“…~~Minato-kun, you idiot!”

Unusually, Shizuku muttered ‘idiot’ as she quietly got up and hurried back home.

At one point, she seemed like she wanted to say something as she glanced back, but she only hesitated for a moment before continuing to run.

“Idiot… it feels like it’s been a while since she said that to me.”

Muttering to myself as I watched her leave, I realized that she used to call me an idiot often, but it stopped happening somewhere along the way.

After a sigh of self-pity, a wry smile surfaced, tinged with nostalgia.

: Got rid of all tests, ppts and assignments as of today. Shouldn’t randomly disappear for a while.

Archived Comments

Mirilu (on 2024-02-26 23:32:00):

tbh if Shizuko, Kirasaka and Yuuto just straight up tell the mobs that they're mobs and that Minato is their goat and perhaps some assertive attacks from the girls, this whole thing would be resolved in no time. There is no reason to go through this shit in your friendship because peer pressure and mobs, just screw them

BrutalBotX (on 2024-02-26 23:36:50):

Buhaha, if they do that the story will shrink to just 50 chapters or so 😂