CH#315
#315
âIâll head to the school right away.â
That was all President said over the phone. Without asking where to meet or what I wanted to talk about, she readily agreed and ended the call.
Where should we meet?
If President is coming to the school, itâs better to choose a calm place for our conversation. But the student council room is still in use for todayâs activities.
Actually, I forgot to ask how far it is from Presidentâs house to here. The whole talk went smoother than I imagined, and I forgot to ask.
I tried to recall, to remember. Where did I first meet President?
It wasnât in the student council room; I remember being scolded by President while having a dispute with Hino-kun early in the morning.
Itâs not that Iâm trying to kill time, but my feet naturally take me there. Not a place to call a memory lane, but a place of encounter. I arrived at the stairs in front of the schoolâs back gate and sit down to wait.
Itâs still cold to call it spring, and the wind is chilly.
I watched the students running around the schoolyard in their long-sleeved jerseys and practice uniforms.
As I watch, lost in thought, I notice ants crawling on the sand.
I wanted to use this time to think, but it feels like this meaningless time is loosening the tangled threads in my mind, giving me a slight sense of relief.
How many ants did I count?
I should only be hearing the sounds of club activities, but now I can hear footsteps on gravel nearby.
Theyâre not the light steps of a male student.
Moreover, itâs not common for students to come from the residential area at this time.
So, with confidence, I look up and see the chestnut-haired senior smiling as usual and heading towards me.
âHey Shinra, sorry to keep you waiting.â
âIâm the one who called you, so donât worry about it, President. Sorry for bothering you on a non-working day.â
President, Hiiragi Akane, whom I called, is standing there in her uniform, although she doesnât have any baggage.
After exchanging necessary words as soon as we met, she smiled faintly and I quietly began to explain the reason for the summoning and the current situation.
âI see. I understand why you hesitated to ask me what you wanted to know and why you, who should be the one to send off, reached out to me. So, I promise to answer any questions you have.â
âThank youââ
âBut, even if you didnât ask me, you should be capable of handling everything for the ceremony. I agreed to your invitation with a purpose⌠I prioritize removing the burden you have here.â
I bow my head slightly to President, who willingly listens to my consultation, and she takes a step towards me, poking my chest with her slender fingers.
The meaning of her words didnât immediately register in my mind, and I couldnât help but ask.
âA burden?â
âWhy donât you ask Rei and Kanazaki for help?â
Hearing my words, President takes a small breath and speaks.
Her chestnut hair sways in the wind, and her expression remains soft, but her eyes are serious, not allowing any lies.
ââŚâ
âDragging Hino into this, relying on Shiraishiâs cooperation, inviting Nakayama. Shouichi and the others canât fully help due to student council activities. In this situation, who would you trust the most, who would be willing to cooperate without any pretense⌠Itâs those two.â
President standing in front of me walks a few steps to the left and then to the right, expressing her views as if solving a puzzle.
The answer she arrives at floats into my mind. The figures of the two girls, looking at me with sadness in their eyes.
âIf you havenât included them, then why? Thereâs only one reason that comes to mind.â
Presidentâs question, from her perspective, is a natural one, and she states it calmly without expecting an answer from me.
Raising her finger, she stops her steps and looks into my eyes.
âBecause youâve been pushing them away.â
âWhy would you think that, President?â
Whether sheâs aiming to be a great detective or Iâm just too easy to read in my expressions and gestures, itâs probably the latter.
I have no excuses or reasons.
If someone arrived at the same conclusion as President, they would likely share the same impression. However, I just want to hear why President thinks that way, for reference.
When I ask, President smiles proudly and eloquently speaks.
âIt goes without saying about your troublesome little sister, and Iâve come to understand Kanazakiâs situation as well. They probably offered to help you, and you refused to take their hand.â
ââŚâ
Her expression was full of compassion, as if she were talking about her own sister. However, as her words progress, her tone becomes sadder.
As if thinking from the same position, her eyes show a sadness that can be sensed.
âMany students probably see you as an incomprehensible loner, with sharp words and a stubborn nature, an outsider in a group lacking in cooperation. But, thatâs just superficial information.â
The presidentâs fingertip touches my cheek. I can feel her warm body temperature, and her little gesture tickled me.
Why do these people appreciate me?
Why do they have goodwill towards me?
âYouâre a kind person.â
Those words, among all the words Iâve heard, are the kindest, dazzling, making me want to avert my eyes.
But the hand resting against my cheek wonât allow it. As if peeling off one layer of the wall in my heart at a time, President continues to speak.
âWhy didnât you participate in the ballgame tournament? If you had participated, Ogiwara Yuuto would have been with you, and others wouldnât have viewed it kindly. Why did you raise objections during the night of the school trip when many students were enjoying themselves? It was because others didnât respect Kanazaki Shizukaâs feelings. Why didnât you treat Kirasaka Rei, who was labelled as special, specially? It was because you knew that special didnât mean she didnât put in effort.â
Stop itâŚstop it.
Please donât look at me with such kind eyes.
âYouâve heard the phrase âthe struggles of a genius,â havenât you? Surely, itâs a torment that only the gifted can understand, one that those around them cannot comprehend. Because people protect their own existence before others.â
President keeps talking. My face is reflected in her eyes, captivating.
Donât affirm it, deny it.
It would be easier if she just insulted me, saying that Iâm just a worthless person who hurts others. If I were affirmed as I have been until now, my current actions, trying to change for them, would be denied.
If that were to happen, I would lose my way.
To not hurt Shizuku, Kirasaka, Yuuto and the others, I have to change.
I want to continue being with them.
It may be inappropriate for me to be in that place, and I understand that itâs an ambitious desire.
But I know that Iâve come to cherish it. Still, to be there with them, I have to change, even if it means bending myself.
Even if Iâm not understood, even if Iâm ridiculed, even if Iâm pierced by words like sharp blades, itâs okay.
If itâs not directed towards others, I can endure it.
âFearing the hurt to oneâs own existence, playing a role in the appropriate position, seeking a suitable position even for special individuals. Thatâs a part of the struggle. Not realizing that is part of the torment. People protect their own existence before others.â
Thatâs rightâŚ
Even so, Shizuku and the others chose to spend time with me.
So, to prevent them from being talked about behind their backs because of me, I have to update the evaluations of those around me.
ââŚThatâs why I joined the executive committee this time toââ
âDo you really not realize it? The step youâre trying to take is stepping into the group mentality you hated.â
Presidentâs stern voice shuts me up.
I couldnât retort, and my eyes wavered.
âŚIâve realized that since I started this activity.
Still, I didnât mind, because I interpreted that all I needed to do was bend my insignificant pride. The insignificant pride of a teenage high school boy and the unconscious malice from the group.
Thereâs no need to even consider which one to choose.
As I try to squeeze out my voice from my choked throat, President adds on.
âOr⌠were they telling yourself that you should bend yourself even if it means raising othersâ evaluations of you?â
âThatâsâŚâ
The tone was cold, and if I had nodded, I couldnât imagine what President would have said to those two.
Presidentâs confirmation seemed to be based on the conviction that those two would never say such a thing to me.
Then, what exactly can I do for everyone?
I canât teach them anything.
I canât give them anything.
They are always ahead of me.
All I can do is chase after them.
âIâm fully occupied just by not letting go of your cheek now. Even if asked to do something else, I wouldnât be able to. No matter what anyone says, thatâs my limit. How much are you trying to carry in those hands of yours?â
My gaze, lowered at those words, meets the eyes of the person in front of me as if bounced back.
Again, President smiles, her chestnut-colored hair illuminated by the evening sun.
How many people, including myself, thought that President could have much more?
But this time is different from when she acted as the leader of the students.
Now, sheâs just a girl whoâs only one year older.
Was it her true feelings that President hadnât let out until now?
I look down at my own hands, spoken to.
Iâve never been good at multitasking.
I donât have the knack for handling multiple tasks simultaneously.
Yet now, Iâm reaching out to the Student Council, the Executive Committee, and even my own circle of friends. Iâm trying to create something better than the past evaluations.
Even if I try to hold it all, it spills over.
Is it okay if it spills over?
No, none of it should spill over.
Small, white hands wrap around my hands that are trying to carry an amount that shouldnât be carried.
âI wish I could be the first to support you⌠But Iâm leaving this school, I canât do that. However, you can rely on the people who understand you and offer you a helping hand. You donât have to protect them alone; they are strong girls.â
The hand offered is firm, but it trembles slightly.
I squeeze back with just a little force, and I think.
Why do these people trust me so much? Even if there were parental arrangements, we could become strangers after graduation.
ââŚWhyââ
âFor us, Shinra Minato has long been a special person.â
If I said it like this, Rei might get angry, President says with a wry smile.
SpecialâŚ
Have they always heard this word with such feelings?
No, thatâs not it.
Itâs a different kind of special from what theyâre usually told.
Words spoken in a life far from extraordinary, where walking the path of ordinary is distant.
Simple, unadorned words resonate in the depths of my heart.
: Gotta say, I didnât expect for the author to clear up most of the things here in this random chapter.
Archived Comments
Mirilu (on 2024-03-05 22:52:21):
It's chapter 315 and the author tackles the most crucial point of this story without much buildup, lol