#269

After parting ways with Shizuku and returning home, I entered the house still cloaked in the quiet of early morning. The sound of the door closing echoed, and the silence settled in once more.

Normally, this is the time when Kaede starts her morning routine, getting ready for breakfast. However, it seemed like Kaede was still in her room.

I walked down the hallway to my sister’s door and knocked. There was no reply from inside, but I gently pushed the door open slightly to take a peek. I saw a lump on her bed.

Perhaps she was still asleep. Not wanting to wake her, I moved to close the door when a soft voice reached my ears.

“Nii-san?”

“…Sorry, did I wake you?”

“No… I couldn’t sleep very well.”

Kaede raised her head slightly from under her blanket, looking in the direction of the door. I leaned in slightly to meet her gaze.

Kaede, too, probably understood the unusual circumstances of my early morning awakening. While our specific issues were different, the underlying problem was similar. When our eyes met, we couldn’t help but share a wry smile.

I quietly opened the door and entered the room, taking a seat on the chair placed in front of her study desk.

“I have a day off because it’s a substitute holiday, but… how about you, Kaede? Are you going to school?”

I wasn’t asking about her physical condition but rather in a mental sense.

Kaede carefully adjusted her covers and extended her legs before we were sitting across from each other.

I asked her when she looked worried for a moment.

“… Considering the situation, it should be okay to take a break today, right?”

“…Yes.”

Given the current situation, expecting someone to go to school as if nothing happened is difficult for me.

I made sure to be someone she could relax and be herself around.

Kaede directed her gaze to the clear file on her desk, which contained materials about the study abroad opportunity presented by our father. Her eyes shifted between me and the file, and she sighed with hesitation.

Still, with a worried look in her eyes, she asked.

“Nii-san, what do you think?”

“About Dad’s talk?… He’s just putting on airs, using fancy words to express his whims.”

“You’re quite straightforward.”

“There’s no need for sugarcoating when talking to family.”

I replied, sitting deeply in the chair. Kaede couldn’t help but laugh at my response, but her expression quickly turned somber again.

Kaede is probably aware of the situation. Once our father brings up a topic, the general direction of things is usually set. She might be thinking she has no choice but to follow our father’s words.

It’s a mix of both, but primarily the former. Children often have an ingrained belief that they should follow their parents’ words. But it doesn’t mean they have to comply with every action or decision their parents make.

Right now, I believe most of Kaede’s thoughts are influenced by the first part. Her hesitation may stem from other concerns and grievances she holds, perhaps involving family, friends, her hometown, and more. There are many considerations, and balancing them isn’t easy. Among them, Kaede brought up a particular issue that had been bothering her overnight.

“Are you the same, Nii-san?”

“…”

My voice shook, and I lacked conviction. Kaede muttered as if she were looking for an escape, driven by the anxiety of not having a clear answer.

Regardless of how many years pass, she is still the girl before me, my sister. She has followed my back and held my hand countless times. Those memories will always be cherished and preserved in my mind.

Now, faced with the ongoing choice, I knew that a wrong decision would lead to a lifetime of regrets.

I considered life as a game where we are constantly making choices, and there’s no turning back. That’s what being human is, what life is.

That’s why we often get fixated on one choice and end up regretting it. Whatever path we choose, regrets will follow. We need to think about what we can discard to minimize those regrets.

So, I needed to figure out what to choose and what to let go. Hometown, friends, family, trust, love…

I closed my eyes in silence and thought repeatedly.

I only realized later that my unconscious breath was trembling just like my sister’s. My hands were damp with cold sweat, and my breathing had grown slightly rougher.

I wished for just a little more, something to give me the final push, something to firm up my resolve. So, in response to her question, I threw a question back at her.

“Kaede… what do you want to do?”

“I…”

There’s no one here but me, so all she has to do is express herself purely based on her emotions. I just waited for her words to continue without interruption or rushing her.

She looked down, moved her gaze, grasped her hand again and slowly lifted her eyes, showing no hesitation.

“I… I want to stay at Kikyo Jogakuin. I’m enjoying my life here.”

As I listened to Kaede’s words to the end, I gazed up at the ceiling. Mom had repeatedly asked if our current school life was enjoyable.

Kaede responded that she was enjoying her life now. I didn’t express it so directly, but I was beginning to think the same about our school life.

A few good friends and understanding people had gathered around us. Our student life was not so bad. Both Kaede and I had things we didn’t want to lose.

“…If you count today, there are two more days to decide.”

“Yeah, I’ve made up my mind… But if he doesn’t agree, there’s nothing I can do.”

Kaede spoke with a wry smile. Her response was emotionally driven, and she didn’t seem to have a contingency plan if she was denied.

So, it was ultimately her decision, her wish.

As her brother, my role was clear. To respect her decision and act as if Dad’s study abroad proposal had never been made.

But it wouldn’t be easy. Emotion-based arguments that often worked in resolving issues among students wouldn’t work here. They would just be dismissed as childish whims.

So, I needed to handle this situation calmly.

“Maybe Mom could persuade Dad…”

“No, that’s probably not going to work.”

“Why not?”

“Mom is way too passive for that… If she really disliked Dad’s idea, she would have firmly opposed it when he proposed it.”

I responded immediately to the suggestion. My thinking had been going in circles, but now, I was regaining some clarity in my judgment.

I remembered Mom’s response and actions from the time when she called us from in front of the front door, even before our school trip.

Four days ago, it was impossible for our parents not to have made a decision.

By the time they called us, their plans were likely already set in stone, and the schedule for their return was probably finalized.

I needed to reconsider Mom’s position. In our last conversation, she mentioned opposing Dad’s idea, but in reality, she hadn’t put a stop to it.

Mom was an adoring parent, and she loved her children dearly. She would be fine as long as we all lived together.

So, even if we opposed the idea, she wouldn’t try to stop it. She would accept it and wait for the outcome.

What my mom seems to be seeking from us is a conversation with our father. She wants to know our thoughts, our desires, and what makes us happy. Maybe, as a family, she just wants a conversation between my father and me, something that is exceedingly rare.

She probably hopes that we’ll respect and share our thoughts and values with each other. However, I can’t expect much from enlisting her as an ally. It’s a choice I shouldn’t make.

We need to make an effective choice with the little time we have. So, I lowered my gaze and decided to ask my sister for a rather unconventional favour.

Archived Comments

Mirilu (on 2023-10-15 23:42:29):

It’d be nice if he could call Daddy Reiya (I think that’s his name?), promises to marry Rei and that’s it. Would be such a damaging move. “Can’t trust my father, so I’ll rely on someone else’s.”